Filed under: Life
today, i took my little sister into Conway to go buy some art supplies…and other than spending way too much money on them…it made me extremely happy!
About a month ago I went to a retreat at my church camp that focused on the different aspects of worship..and I got to be in a group for visual arts. There were only four of us in the group, so we pretty much got to do whatever we wanted to do. I ended up doing several paintings that were displayed during the final service that the campers put together. Well, I had several people come ask me if they could buy the paintings that I did…which made me really happy. I ended up giving one away to my best friend, Amy…and I sold two to Ms. Robin, one of the camp counselors. She said that she loved my art work..and actually she wanted to buy all of the paintings I did, but I had already promised some of them to other people. Well, she asked me if I would like to paint some paintings for her daughter’s room that they are re-doing…and she said that she would pay be really well for them! So of course I jumped on it! Well, since Jr. Camp is only a couple of weeks away, and I’ll be moving really soon, I figured I had better get a start on the paintings for her. I finally got in contact with her and her daughter and they want at least 5 paintings, including 1 that is really big to hang at the head of her bed. So far I have finished 2 of the 5 paintings. Lesley, the girl I’m doing the paintings for, gave me a list of 5 of her favorite quotes that she wants me to use in the paintings…which is great, because I love using words in my art! The first two that I’ve finished are: “Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.”; and “Anyone who says sunshine is happiness has never danced in the rain.” I have to say that I’m really happy with how they both turned out. The other quotes that I’m painting for her are: “Either you define the moment or the moment defines you.”, “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb”…which is apparently from the book Twilight..which I really want to read….and “The best things in life are unseen, thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.”..which is the one she wants on the really big canvas above her bed. It’s been quite a while since someone asked me to paint anything for them…especially for money. Now the hard thing will be trying to come up with a price to ask for them..I’m so bad about asking someone to pay a certain price for a painting…I don’t want to ask for too much..but at the same time, I don’t want to ask for too little either. I feel that if I ask for too much, then it will make me seem cocky about my art, or that my art isn’t really worth what I asked for. And if I ask for too little, then I cheapen my art and make it seem like what I do isn’t worth anything. I really need to come up with a good set of guidelines for selling my paintings, especially since i know of two other people that want me to paint stuff for them…one is a girl wanting paintings for her new dorm room in the fall, and the other is one of my best friends from high school wanting me to paint her some paintings for her new house. If anyone that even reads this has ever sold there artwork and wants to make suggestions on how much to charge for acrylic on canvas paintings of all different sizes…please feel free to do so…because I’m at a loss. Other than that, it feels good to have someone commission art from me…I guess that kind of reinforces the fact that I really am an artist.
on a completely different note…I only have 9 more days that I have to work before my last day. I gave my notice at my work over a week ago…and it’s really dragging by…and getting even worse than it was before. it will be good to take a month or so and not work. Two weeks at Camp Formosa, then a week or so out in Tennessee with my best friend, Emily, will be really nice. Then I’ll come back and find another job in Conway somewhere, preferably not at a daycare this time, though. I think I’ve had my share of demon-children to last me a while…not saying that all of the kids at my work are that bad…but a few sure can be monsters at times…and it seems like I’m the one that always gets stuck with them it seems.
Now off to get some packing done, because I move to Conway in less than two weeks…and barely anything in this house has been packed yet!
WOW! My weekend has been a BLAST! I’m so glad that I got to do everything that happened this weekend! I could go into so much detail about all of the fun stuff that happened this weekend..but I’ll just keep to the highlights….Eating out on Friday with my old roomies and a good friend, then playing board games until nearly midnight. Crashing my best friend Stephanie’s family reunion with by BFF Meggie on Saturday. Having to explain that we weren’t really related to anyone there..haha! Eating really yummy food and listening to Steph’s family play some music. Playing Nertz and playing with play-dough with Stephanie’s sisters. Singing and goofing off in the car with my best friends. Going to my first ever kick-boxing fight and seeing my friend Kayla (who is ranked 3rd in the world) win a new title. Getting to spend all weekend with my best friend, Meggie! Going to my little brother’s baccalaureate and getting to see him for the first time in what seems like forever. And going to Elevation to top it all off!
I’m so blessed. 
I’m moving back to Conway at the end of this month!!
My mom and her boyfriend, Bill, are moving in together…which means that I’ll be moving with them. It is such a blessing that we found this house. We’ve been looking for a while now and just couldn’t find anything that met all of the things we needed in a house. Well, a couple of days ago we finally found the perfect house to move in to. It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a huge living room and huge den, a sun porch, and a two car garage. It’s in a pretty nice neighborhood with lots of huge oak trees…and we have a nice fenced in back yard with a tall privacy fence. Plus, I get my own room..so that makes me happy, too! I love it already. This house has got to be the nicest house we’ve ever lived in.
I’m still restless. but I think even the small move is going to help.
i think that i’ve pretty much made up my mind on where i want to end up by the end of this year. for some reason or another i feel really called to move to Murfreesboro, TN. I have a few friends that live there. One of them being one of my best friends from church camp and her family. but i don’t think that’s the main reason behind me wanting to move out there. sometimes things are just put on my heart and i never really know why…i guess it’s just a God thing. Moving to Tennessee is one of those things. i put it down as a God thing.
this move is definitely a good thing for me. the only semi-bad thing about it is that i will most likely end up having to quit my job here in Greenbrier. they really don’t pay me enough to make it worth commuting…plus, i’ve gotten to the point where i’ve started asking myself why i keep working there..and i don’t really like the answer i give myself. when i started working at the daycare, i loved it. but now, the stress of the job is starting to take its toll on me. i absolutely love the kids there…well, most of them anyway…quite a few of them are down-right monsters..and won’t ever listen to me. i’m tired of feeling like i have absolutely no authority..even when i’m the one in charge. my director, America, already knows that i will probably be quitting sometime soon. as soon as she found out that i was moving she acted upset about it. i told her i would keep working there as long as i could..but since it’s my mom’s vehicle, i didn’t know how long that would be. i can tell that i’m going to be missed. and i have to admit, i am going to miss working there…but i knew from the start that i wasn’t going to be working there for a really long time. i have some really great co-workers, an amazing director, and probably the best boss you could ask for….and don’t even get me started on some of the kids there. i think more than anything that’s what i’m going to miss the most. the kids.
right now, i’m thinking that i’ll keep working through June 5th or so..which is when we have to be moved out of our current house by. i’ve already requested June 9-13 off of work so that i can work at my church camp for a week…so i may just put my two weeks notice in for the end of the 1st week of June…that way i won’t have to be gone, then come back and quit. i’ve been trying to work it out so that i could go out to Murfreesboro to visit my best friend, Emily, for a little while…and so far every time we’ve tried, things have just not worked out. Her and her family are going to be in Arkansas for a couple of weeks in the middle of June, and I think I may try to just go back with them for a week (or maybe even two) when they head back to Tennessee. I’m seriously wanting to move out there…and it will do me some good to go out there and get a feel for the place first. I’ve talked it over with my mom a little..and she seemed pretty ok with it…surprisingly.
ok, enough of my fragmented and rambling thoughts for tonight. i’ll be awake with these thoughts still tumbling around in my head for some time now…so i guess i better get started on trying to get to sleep.
-Bren.
They sang this song at Elevation tonight…and I’ve had it stuck in my head ever since. It’s definitely my new favorite!! I’ve probably listened to it about a dozen times already. <3
Second Chance by Hillsong United
You called my name, reached out Your hand,
Restored my life, and I was redeemed,
The moment You entered my life,
Amazing grace, Christ gave that day,
My life was changed,
When from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin
Chorus
So it’s with everything I am,
I reach out for Your hand,
The hope for change, the second chance I’ve gained,
On You I throw my life, casting all my fears aside,
How could greater love than this, ever possibly exist?
Consume my thoughts, as I rest in you,
I’m now in love, with a Saviour,
Bearing the marks of His love
Chorus x2
Bridge
So I wait upon You now,
With my hands released to You,
Where a little faith’s enough,
To see mountains lift and move,
And I wait upon You now,
Dedicated to Your will,
To this love that will remain,
A love that never fails
Filed under: Uncategorized
sometimes i find myself wanting to just run away from everything. leave this place and just start over somewhere new.
i don’t know if it’s because i’m just unhappy with where i am….or because of something else. this isn’t the first time that i’ve felt like this. actually it was just last fall that i thought about wanting something different…then i ended up not going back to UCA the next semester…partly because of money..and partly because of needing something new. well, now it’s May…and I’ve been living at home with my mom and little sister since this past December….and well…to put it bluntly…i don’t like it..at all. right now the only thing stopping me from moving out on my own is the fact that i don’t have a car of my own that works. i have one that i’m “buying” from my mom..but the whole front end needs to be fixed first…we’re talking quite a bit of body and mechanical work that needs to be done…so that complicates things. i probably could have saved enough money to buy a car that works…if I hadn’t been the one paying all of my mom’s bills…because she still hasn’t found a job yet. grrr….so enough of that tangent…now you see why i want to run away. somewhere new. somewhere i can be free.
is it so bad to want to be free? to want to start over? my life is not all that bad…but i long for something more. right now i feel like whatever it is i’m meant to be doing is happening somewhere else…with out me…if that makes any sense. it’s like what i’m meant for is out there somewhere..waiting on me to get there so it can happen.
You’d think i could be happy with where i am for a little while…but i guess i just can’t…or won’t..settle for less than what i know i deserve…less than what God has planned for me. i’m still not sure what exactly what that is…but i know it’s not this. I know it’s not this mediocre life that i’m living right now. it’s not this monotony of day in, day out living just to survive. i want to live with a purpose. i want to do more than what i’ve been doing. and i’m not going to find that living at home with my family. i’m just not.
i’ve always told my mom that she’s a gypsy at heart. never staying in one place for very long. that’s how it’s been pretty much all of my life. moving every couple of years or so. i always hated it. i hated having to make new friends all over again. i hated having to get used to a new house, new school, new friends. i wanted to stay somewhere long enough to have memories of friends that went back more than a year or two. and that’s what i got when i got her to stay in one place long enough to finish all 4 years of high school in one place. but more and more, i’m beginning to think that i might just have a gypsy heart, too. because i can’t quite seem to settle in to one place again. i’m restless. i want to pack up all of my stuff and just move off somewhere that i’ve never been before. for once, i actually want the new house, new school…even new friends. not that my current friends are all that bad…because they’re not. they’re amazing. but i feel disconnected. out of place, i guess. and i hate that. it makes me start to feel lonely…even when i’m surrounded by people. i need to find a place where i feel..connected..wanted..included…anything but out of place.
my mom says that her gypsy heart is more of her promising herself over the years to never settle in to a place that doesn’t feel like home…to keep moving until her heart is content with where she is, then she can stop moving and be happy where she is. right now, that’s how my heart feels. it’s not content with where it is…so it’s ready to move on to try to find out where that place is.
i need something more. i need to find out where i belong…and not just settle for what’s right in front of me. if that means picking up and moving to a totally new place…then i will. whatever it takes, i want to find who i am and where i belong. until then…i don’t think i’m going to be all that happy..at least not for very long anyway.
